23 June 2019

College Life - Regret or Not? [PART 2]

College Life - Regret or Not? [PART 1]

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back when it's 25 may 2019.
at taman perumahan gong badak.
at 2.30 pm.

baru selesai packing barang.
kemas rumah sikit-sikit sebab aku balik paling awal dalam rumah tu.
housemates lain semua pergi dobi lepas kitorang habis last paper and last ambil gambar dengan semua classmates pagi tadi.
so that i spare little time for myself at home, preparing myself ready to go to my 'real home'.
flight petang tu pukul 6.30 petang.

then, aku solat zohor.
suddenly habis solat, when i'm still on the sejadah, i feel something.
i feel something mixed up. something about my overall 2 years here.
tiba-tiba air mata dah bergenang.
but i can't hold them back.
finally, i cry for something i've been waiting for but there's also fears.
nangis yang paling puas sepanjang aku kat terengganu.
i sobbed like a child. nasib baik takde orang kat rumah haha.
i feel deep sorrow, i feel the pain, sometimes excited, happy, and grateful.
all of them are mixed up in a soul.

Tuhan bagi aku pengalaman hidup 2 tahun yang sangat bermakna yang aku takkan dapat kat tempat lain, dan semua tu akan berakhir dalam masa beberapa jam je lagi :'(

yang pada mulanya aku paling takut nak tempuh, but now it's already 2 years. satu-satu kenangan tiba-tiba muncul dalam kepala dari awal aku mula-mula sampai ke terengganu untuk register diploma kat unisza, sampailah aku dah nak habis last semester. i remember most the day when i feel regret sebab accept offer belajar kat unisza sebab aku tak ready nak sambung belajar and for some other reasons. but the fact is Tuhan Maha Tahu yang aku sebenarnya dah completely ready waktu tu :')

i also remember the day i enrolled into the hostel. masa tu bulan ramadhan. 'rezeki' aku pula masa tu dapat hostel tingkat 5, blok without lift tsk tsk. my family and i turun naik tingkat 5 angkut barang berat-berat guna tangga time tengah puasa masa tu tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk. dude, i'm so blessed with my family.

i also remember the first time i hangout with my absolute stranger housemates which already be my best friends until now. i remember how awkward i am when first time i go to class with stranger faces around me. i remember how noob i am about the university at first. i also hating myself for missing the bus trip during terawih, ALONE from the masjid unisza to my hostel during my first-year, jeezzz that so sad (tsk tsk).

i also remember the time when i have to move into a new house during my second year because everyone get kicked from the hostel that time and i ever experienced it TWO TIMES because the first house was not a good fit for me. later, i will blog about tips to get a good house/room to rent and how to know if the property owner is not an ass haha.

i also remember when my friends scold me just because i took grab to a 1km-distance class haha. we are 5 in total, live in the same block in the first year. every day we wait for each other in a hut before we walk together to the class. tapi kadang-kadang (read: selalunya lah) kitorang siap lambat, lepas tu nak ke kelas paling hujung dunia kat blok akademik tu, so aku lagi rela naik grab and sampai class lambat daripada terpaksa jalan kaki penat-penat tapi sampai class lambat jugok. i am me. lol.

i also remember all the long journey trips from terengganu i've made with some different friends and seniors.

College Life - Regret or Not? [PART 2]
my first ever trip to kuantan during my first year for a hackathon under bahtera event 2018. i'm so blessed meeting all those amazing people there with their great big ideas.

College Life - Regret or Not? [PART 2]
going to uitm shah alam for the asean virtual business plan competition and workshop. it's a good experience even though our proposal was not selected for the final round but the judges said our presentation ideas were totally good :')

College Life - Regret or Not? [PART 2]
hanging around in penang while participating in the revbiz challenge at usm which we'd never expect to win the first place and bring back all the cash prizes haha

College Life - Regret or Not? [PART 2]
with GM Barsov Alexei from Uzbekistan. proudly stressing ourselves at kuantan for international open chess championship while having a bulk of assignments and quizzes around in the final semester. and also got the worst rank haha.

*and many more trips that i choose to keep them in private hehe.

i also remember the day when i feel i want to quit studies because of financial problem. i'm stressing myself thinking how i'm gonna pay my tuition fees that semester. sometimes i'm thinking of preparing myself to repeat the whole semester just because i cannot sit for the final exam because of money. sometimes i hate myself for starving for food when there's no money left. sometimes i work at restaurants near the university and doing some house cleaning to top up my pocket. sometimes i hate my friends just because they have money to eat whatever they want and i'm not. sometimes i'm very surprised that at the end, He helped me in many ways. finally, i'm here now without quitting my studies halfway (yeay hehe).

i planned everything before i came up here because i'm too afraid of the future. but then, Allah's plan is better. i'm still amazed at how He arranges my life accordingly and how He brings together all people that i've met here. i can't believe that those things will end up very soon, just in a few more hours :')

...

so dah puas menangis, aku lipat balik sejadah, lipat telekung. then aku masuk bilik, aku baring atas katil aku (untuk kali terakhir tsk tsk) dengan niat nak qada' tidur SEKEJAP sementara tunggu asar sebab malam tadinya aku tak tidur langsung, sebab excited dah nak last paper haha. bukannya study pun.

but then, aku terlajak tidur sampai pukul 5 petang!!!

itu pun lepas naziera kejut aku and aisyah call. aisyah terkejut time call aku tu sebab aku cakap aku baru bangun tidur padahal dia dah sampai airport dah. lepas tu aku rushing pergi mandi, solat asar, and packing for the very last time. tak sempat nak farewell housemates elok-elok sebab ada yang tido, ada yang mandi, ada yang tengah makan lah. aku pulak busy angkut barang-barang ke luar rumah nak tunggu grab. masa tu aku risau aku tak sempat nak check in bag kat airport je dah lah mahal aku tambah luggage. request grab nak ke airport berpuluh kali baru dapat driver, itu pun uncle tu baru balik bazaar hahaha. aku suruh uncle tu drive laju sikit sebab aku dah terlambat. nasib baik jugaklah airport tu 15 minit je dari rumah. tu pun jalan jammed sikit sebab petang orang baru balik kerja and ramai pergi bazaar.

time dalam grab tu kan, aku rasa sendu gila. dah lah baru bangun tidur lepas asar, lepas tu terus rushing bersiap nak ke airport, sedih aku yang sebelum tidur tadi pun tak habis lagi, lepas tu tak sempat farewell housemates tsk tsk, otak aku macam tak boleh nak process apa yang tengah jadi masa tu. so at the same time aku ter throwback kenangan 2 tahun kat terengganu. kira throwback untuk kali terakhir la sementara grab masih kat terengganu en :')

aku ingat balik muka-muka yang aku kenal sepanjang 2 tahun aku kat sini. every face that i've known had taught me some valuable life lessons. ada yang sebab aku kenal dia, i do certain things until now. some of them has changed me no matter how long they stay. semua datang dari tempat yang berbeza. tapi telah ditakdirkan untuk aku jumpa diorang semua di satu tempat yang sama. i appreciate each of them even though there are some people that i have to say "thank you, next".

i call back all the moments when i get to know them at first. ada yang aku kenal masa orientasi, ada yang aku kenal time tengah otw ke dewan, ada yang aku kenal sebab sama-sama handle program, ada yang aku kenal masa lepak library, ada yang aku kenal masa join tournament, ada yang aku kenal melalui kawan, ada yang aku kenal sebab sama-sama join program kat luar negeri, ada yang aku kenal sebab belajar dalam satu kelas yang sama, dan sebagainya.

aku tertanya-tanya kalau aku masih ada rezeki nak jumpa diorang lagi atau tak di masa yang akan datang. memanglah semua pertemuan boleh dirancang oleh kita sendiri, tapi Dia yang akan tentukan sama ada pertemuan tu akan berlaku atau tak. sedih aku masa masing-masing send farewell messages kat whatsapp. ayat masing-masing semua macam last and forever je jumpa masa tu :(

also, some people that i've known here, already have their name written in my heart.

i mean, my best friends lah.

College Life - Regret or Not? [PART 2]

but there's still someONE. which is also in my heart with the rest of my beloved friends ahahahaha. 

they are all the special people in my soul, that i'm too afraid of losing. i can't bear the loss of someone that i love wholeheartedly after the biggest loss in my life during 2011. i'm too afraid if there is no more meet up or catching session between us. and i love all of them with full of my heart. maybe they don't appreciate me as much as i have for them, but i do not mind. this 'love' exists for what they have done for me, not what i have done for them.

maybe it is my fault for not putting much effort and showing enough love throughout my friendship with them. but to all my best friends that i've ever known during my studies year, i want you to know that you are all along in my mind in everything i do even though you think i do not even care. i will always want the best for you guys. so, all the best with your long-life journey.

...

i wipe my tears. dalam grab tengah tunggu traffic light pun boleh termengalir air mata haha. nasib baik uncle tu tak usyar dari cermin depan kalau tak buat malu je. tapi uncle tu pun sibuk soal siasat aku macam-macam. sebab dia nak hilangkan nervous aku yang takut terlambat nak check-in flight. dia tanya aku semua pasal studies.

dapat jugaklah merasa last lecture-session dalam grab dengan uncle tu. memang takdir lah aku request grab banyak kali tak dapat then pakcik ni accept my request after few minutes and he gives me some good pieces of advice about life while i'm busy sobbing myself at the back because it is my last moment in terengganu. and i know it's hard for me to move on from all these and it would surely take a long time to get myself through them :(


finally, i get myself to check-in all my bags at the very last minute before the gate close. i don't know why but it is my hardest goodbye in my life. aku tak percaya yang aku dah berjaya survive selama 2 tahun kat sini. so many ups and downs. so many people that i get to know. so much money i've spent here. so many memories. so many life lessons. and the best lesson that i've learned is,

"the college has become all about the college experience rather than a college education."

college life isn't so fun, but it's fine. so, if some of you are wondering if i'm still regretting my decision to study here like i thought at the first place, the answer is not :)

unisza, thank you for the best and worst years of life.

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some of you might say, ''ala diploma je pun. tak rasa lagi life degree 4 tahun.''
for me, 2 years are also a journey even though it is not 4.
and everyone's journey is not the same. as well as the struggles we made.

every ending we made in life is actually a beginning for the next phase of our life.
just keep going & all the best! ;)