Being An Adult = An Excellent Survivor

Keheningan malam yang menghibakan, kembalinya aku di sini untuk meluahkan sesuatu ehekk.

...

I used to write down all of my thoughts in a diary since a kid. Even a simple thing.


Harini aku nak sangat makan mi goreng kat kantin tapi masa aku lari lepas beli mi goreng tu, kaki aku tersadung batu lalu aku jatuh tersembam ke tanah. Aku pun tak tahu kenapa aku lari mungkin terlalu gembira sebab dapat beli mi goreng lepas berebut dengan pelajar lain agaknya. Aku sedih sebab duit belanja RM1 yang diberi ayah pagi tadi telah habis ku gunakan untuk beli mi goreng pertama yang telah jatuh tadi. Ku lihat lutut ku mula membentuk luka-luka perit dalam hidup. Aku pulang ke kelas dengan jiwa yang sangat hampa. Aku rasa seperti mahu lari dari rumah. Aku rasa semua orang kat dunia ni benci aku. Nak makan mi pun tak olehhh!

Tu contohhhhh diari aku masa darjah 2. Aku takdelah tulis panjang-panjang gitu. Yang penting kejadian tu memang pernah berlaku ... .. .

*sedih pulak bila terkenangkan nasib diri sendiri masa darjah 2 tu tsk tsk i still can feel the hurt when looking at the mi goreng on the ground 

Tapi bila dah makin tua ni makin malas nak menulis guna tangan. Ko bayangkanlah masalah hidup bila makin besar ni makin banyak and nak expect tulis diary macam darjah 2 dulu? Lenguh jari boleh patah rasa. Sebab tu lah wujudnya blog ni, antara salah satu sebab lah hahaha konon nak develop buku diary kepada ONLINE diary hari-hari nak update pasal life dengan menaip je advance konon gitu. Dulu aku makan burger mcd pun aku update dalam blog. Nasib baik takdek siapa baca blog aku masa tu. Dah besar ni simpan dalam hati je. Tapi biasanya it can't stay long. Akan ada masa yang kita akan luah semuanya habis-habisan dari diri kita. Contohnya,

Sebelum tidur, kenang balik semua masalah sambil menangis hingus meleleh-leleh then tidur.
Pegi lepak tepi gaung then jerit puas-puas hati.
Cerita semua masalah dekat pendengar setia.
Tumbuk bantal banyak kali sampai puas.
Tulis semua masalah atas kertas then bakor.
Menangis atas sejadah.

Yang paling last tu, paling menjadilah biasanya. Kan.

Macam aku, aku lebih suka termenung. Tengok dinding, tengok pantai, tenung muka kucing. Bila nak luah kat certain orang yang aku percaya, biasanya tak berapa nak jadi. Kadang macam hambar pun ada lol. Lepas tu makin bertambah masalah sebab bila story dekat orang tu, jadi hambar so kita pun broken lagiii aaa.

So, I never thought that being an adult is going to be really hard. Like this hard.

At first, when I take the first step I was really excited that I'm an adult now. Like I'm 18+ now and can keep my on i/c in my purse, I can go anywhere as an adult or buying an adult ticket when entering someplace, and settle my own business life like going to the bank, manage my own money, etc.

I thought it was easy as hell.

And definitely, I'm wrong.

It sucks but sometimes I enjoyed it. Why?

Because when I pass it, I feel strong. Like I'm tough enough because I pass the test. Pheww. But here comes another aaaaaa. Then I started to think how I'm gonna pass this time because every problem has different levels and ways to be solved. It will never be the same. Either I've learned from the past and make it better in the future or tadaaaaaaa you've unlocked the PREMIUM level of problems in your life congrats sarah!


When we thought it will end soon, trust me that only death is the end. They keep coming as we grow up. The age grows, so do the problems. It's like playing a game. When you've finished the level 10, you'll be brought to the next level. Life is very challenging. But it is an interesting way of life.

you lost your dad
your family are in big debts
you can't meet your cats
you don't have anything to eat today
you have many arguments with your sisters
your drafts got rejected
you only have RM20 to survive in a month
you can't focus on lectures
you got a bad assignment group members
your friends stab you at your back
you didn't do well in the exam
you can't get what you want just because you don't have the privileges like others do
you fail many times
you can't pay for your tuition fees

They all suck and broke.

It's the phases of being an adult that we need to face to be an excellent adult. Soon, we will teach our kids about life and these are all the things that we will teach them based on our experience. And because of that, we have to do our best.

I'm still a baby of being an adult. I'll graduate soon. And I'll be going to the next level of life.


I just hope to survive, mannnn.

Sekian, tedtalk malam ni. 

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